He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
