What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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