I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
