i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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