Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
