apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
