My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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