you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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