Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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