you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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