guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Randomize
