Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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