I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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