If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
