Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
