It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
