I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
