that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.