Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we're so committed to being not committed