dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch