Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
