Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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