What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
