do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
