can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
