Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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