Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
