Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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