I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
