Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
