Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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