grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
