hotel room ftw
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
