A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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