well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
