Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize