I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
