When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
