4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
