Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
