Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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