Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
