I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
