After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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