You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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