Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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