If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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