i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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