3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
