I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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