Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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