There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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