upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
