If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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