I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize