We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
