In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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