24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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