i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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