i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
