I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
