You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
