Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
