so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
