I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
